I really love this quote and the picture that is with it. I feel inspired daily when I look at it.

Baby Pics

Sometimes

Sometimes in life you keep things to yourself because you are the stronger one at the time. You can take the brunt of it so you do. This is what you do when you love someone. No one wants to see the ones they love in pain. If by being quiet is a way of helping them through their tough time, then that is what you do. You take care of the ones you love and you are willing to go the extra step and give them what they need.

Happy Birthday Emma!!!

Today is Emma's 6th birthday. I cannot believe that it has been 6 years since her birth. Time really does fly by. I am so grateful to have her as a child. She makes me feel like my life truly does have a purpose. I love you Emma Leigh!!!

My wedding photos

It has been nearly eleven weeks since I got married, and we have yet to receive even our disc with our proofs on them so that we can pick our actual prints!!! This is ridiculous I think. Opinions?

Happiness

So I used to think that only big things in this lifetime are what have the potential to keep people happy. I have come to realize in the past 29 years that it is all of the small things that tend to be overlooked that bring about my daily happiness. I am truly blessed to have a small amount of good girlfriends that will be there for me no matter how far away we are from one another. A family that loves me, a wonderful daughter and a stupendous husband who adores me. I am a lucky woman and thank God everyday for small moments daily that bring a smile to my face.

It is what it is

Some battles you may never win. I will never be treated any differently by my ex-husband. He will forever be that one person who will always seem to go out of his way to lie to me and treat me poorly. I surrender to this battle. It is what it is.

Married

Oh happy day!!! I got married to my best friend on February 19th, 2011. This is my beautiful family...Brittney, Keith and Emma.

Sorry

I don't know how many times one is supposed to say they are sorry. I do not know how much space is enough space. When can it just be good enough?

It goes good...

It goes good for awhile and then a melt down occurs and sets it all back. It takes everything I have to find peace at the end of the night when this happens. It makes us feel crappy between each other and then there is enough silence to make you uncomfortable. I am thinking a shower and then a little light reading to end this all.

A new me!!!

I am working hard on a brand new me! I am working out and eating better. I want to look in the mirror and feel good about myself. I actually wore a lower cut top on New Years...it felt kinda ok. I am working on it.

She is going to leave me

My daughter is 5 and she tells me all the time how much she misses her father and wants to go to his house. His house has no structure and no rules to follow....so of course she wants to be at his house. Why do I have to be the bad parent for making her follow rules and to become a good person? I do not want her to chose him over me. This is already having an affect on me. What do I do? I love her so much and cannot live without her being with me.

I can't

I can't win. It makes no difference what I say it is taken as something else. I repeat back what you say and you are done with me. Today is a loss.

I have messed it all up

Only a hscf can mess up being helpful. Leave it to me to be that person. I cannot even help without it looking like I am trying to control it all. Apparently I am more messed up than I previously thought I was. I am afraid of what will happen next...

ELG

So she has two things working against her; she is five and she is autistic. We cannot and should not expect her to really understand that what she is doing and what she is saying is hurting our feelings. To allow a five year old to hurt our feelings is a bit silly when I think about it. WE are the adults...not her. I know that she will tell me that she hates me and not really mean it. I know that she will do things to purposely piss me off. She is a child and that is what they do.

Pain

I have had a headache for literally 5 days and counting. I cannot make it go away. I do not want to keep asking Keith to massage my neck everyday, but it seems to be the only thing that helps me through some of the pain. He does so much for me already, I feel guilty being needy over something. Maybe it will go away on its own...

Patience

I need to find patience for myself. I am always so high strung and never allowing myself time to get things accomplished. I am always just wanting myself to get everything over with and done quickly. My anxiety has been on the up rise over the past few months. I cannot seem to find things that make me relax. I am so tired of being and feeling so wound up all the time. I need patience to get through this.

Hope

I can only hope that you have faith in me. I can only hope that your love for me is strong enough to be patient with me trying to fix whats broken inside me. I can only hope that my love for you will show through daily and that you never have to question how deeply I care for you. I can only hope that you will be my forever.

Ummmmm

Is it bad that I am really ready for my family to just move already? I just want them to go so I can deal and be done with it. I will see them in five weeks and that is ok with me.

Changes

So I always seem to be stressed out. I think that I would like to try and benefit from yoga or something. I need to learn to relax!!! I need to embrace change and maybe be more accepting of my life right now. I am learning to let go a bit and rely on my boyfriend for monetary support for the time being. I am doing everything within my power to financially change my life. It is a slow process, but patience will pan out in the long run.